WAR IS THE SEED OF DESTRUCTION AND BIRTH

My journey to find inner peace began in war. My parents were married just after Hitler invaded Poland in 1939, and I was born in 1942. My father consciously left me alone ten months later to "defend" our nation by engaging the Japanese as air force B-24 bombardier. I began a lonely childhood for my first three years, raised part time by a mother working in a factory, a Polish-only speaking grandmother, and an occasionally visiting uncle.

I was born and raised in New Britain, Connecticut, the corporate home of Stanley Works, and formerly a New England "factory town" of 90,000. My housewife-mother and state government bureaucrat-father, both of second-generation Polish Roman Catholic heritage, focused me to succeed financially. They believed that a "college education" was the best pathway to material success in life.

I participated in the white-ethnic, middle class activities of boyhood and was an over-achiever in school. My "accomplishments" were eventually recognized, and I was admitted as a “minority student” (public high school graduate, Polish ancestry, and Roman Catholic religion) to Yale University. I struggled academically, financially, and socially in college. I was a fish out of water; and, sadly, did not truly know in what water to swim.

After graduating with my class in 1964, I unconsciously volunteered to actively "serve my country" in the U.S. Army for three years. I chose to "do the job right and get it over with," not delaying my obligation as a six year "weekend warrior" in the reserves. It was a time of military conscription, but really not to "defend" a country as my father had earlier been conditioned to believe.

I was promptly trained as an infantry officer and sent to fight a mythical war in Vietnam. At only 21 years of age, I became a combat airborne infantry platoon leader of 45 other "boys" with the 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) in Vietnam from 1965-66.

After recovering from wounds and malaria incurred in Vietnam, I returned, without fanfare, to begin a "normal" life. I quickly married my high school sweetheart and began graduate school to learn a business career.

Upon graduating from the University of Chicago in 1969 with an M.B.A. degree, I secured my first "real" job at age 27! I began a very tumultuous twenty year "career" in the investment business on Wall Street, punctuated with bouts of unemployment and depression.

I had been "gapped out" of the tumultuous social revolution of the 1960's. The myopic focus of my youth and narrow cultural conditioning about "life" constrained my latent ability to express my true identity. I automatically jumped from college, to war, to marriage, to work. I put my head, ostrich-like, into the sand and plodded on with what I thought was "doing life."

Eventually, the stresses of a three hour daily work commute, job performance pressures , and maintaining a family "life" forced me to escape. I occasionally found some "peace of mind" with sailboat racing on the Hudson River and graphic design studies at Parsons School of Design.

GETTING OUT OF THE HOT KITCHEN

I did "all the right things" that parents and society expected of their children. But, I crashed and burned. I did not know who I really was. I was separated from my real S(s)elf; I had an acute identity crisis, an emotional meltdown.

After 23 years of "visiting" the marriage, I was painfully divorced in 1989, sadly leaving three daughters. This divorce, major job losses, recurring PTSD from combat, and alcohol abuse launched me into a full “recovery mode” in which I have been evolving as a “secular monk” for almost 20 years.

My search for peaceful living was spawned by pain: physical, emotional, and spiritual. My new identity quest involving many "roads less traveled," has provided major intellectual, spiritual, and emotional healing. I have been presented with the gift of survival.

RISING FROM THE ASHES

My real journey to wholeness, phoenix-like from the ashes, began appropriately in Forked River, NJ where i pondered the choices for my life's evolution. Frugally supporting myself with a wide array of part-time jobs, i earnestly began to study and experience many paths of S(s)elf realization. i also evolved into adjunct teaching of marketing and advertising courses at a New Jersey community college for nine years.

i was transplanted to Florida nine years ago to begin another phase of my personal S(s)elf expression. As my healing journey continues, i remain grateful to be a caregiver for my 91 year old father.

i have traveled in the United States, Europe, and the Far East. My major intellectual interests focus on Asian philosophy and art, transpersonal psychology, and philosophical inquiry. i maintain a balanced intellect by swimming and playing tennis regularly, toying with a one meter, remote-controlled sailboat, banging on drums at local drum circles, and volunteering as a mentor in the alcohol and mental illness recovery movement.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE HIPPIES GONE?

My psycho-spiritual evolution to wholeness actively continues. As a member of the Association of For The Advancement Of Psychosynthesis, Association of Transpersonal Psychology, Sarasota Jungian Society and through independent study i continue to refine my knowledge and ability to pursue daily peaceful living. My greatest daily challenge is to consistently "be" the Mangrove Seed--maintaining my inner peace in a non-peaceful outer world.

To transition from a place of "doing" to a space of "being" has not been easy during the past twenty years. Learning to accept my authentic S(s)elf without guilt and shame has sprouted a new meaning for my life's existence. My outer war and resistance is morphing into an inner peace and flow.

The birth and growth of the Mangrove Seed Journey is a metaphor for my continued S(s)elf expression, and was created as a supportive bridge for others to use on their paths to living a life of fulfillment, contentment, and joy.

My fervent wish is that we each continue to fertilize, water, and weed our own seeds of authentic personal growth; and, to daily plant new seeds for peaceful living that will blossom seven generations forward.

Will we, the children of war, continue to birth a planet of peace?